RIFFTRAX LIVE: MIAMI CONNECTION

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The third entry in this years the Crappening. This time we get treated to a forgotten gem from 1987. The movie starts out with introducing the motorcycle riding ninjas. A typical drug deal is going down and the ninjas decide to help themselves to both the cocaine and money. The drug dealers armed with Mac-10’s are no match against the ninja’s speed and stealth. When full automatic weapons fire fails they resort to attacking the ninjas with metal pipes with the same results.

Drug dealers die a gruesome death for opposing the ninjas.

Drug dealers die a gruesome death for opposing the ninjas.

But as the cobra has the mongoose the ninja has a new wave/Tae Kwon Do enthusiasts rock band. In this case it is DRAGON SOUND the hottest band in Orlando. These young men and one Pat Benatar wannabe when not rockin’ to such hits as “Friends” or “Against the Ninja” go to the University of Central Florida or practice their Tae Kwon Do. And these guys do everything together. They live in the same house, go to class together, the beach, the gym and pretty much anywhere together.

DRAGON SOUND in one of their rare moments wearing shirts.

DRAGON SOUND in one of their rare moments wearing shirts.

Well the group has a problem with the brother of their lead singer. It seems he is jealous of his sister dating one of the guys on the band. Nothing creepy about that. Said brother also heads a non-ninja gang that is pissed at DRAGON SOUND for I think that they are also a band and angry that they can’t get hired at the night club. I say think because this movie feels that the plot is none of the audiences business. So I am kind of on my own in trying to figure it all out.

DRAGON SOUND confronts creepy brother and his gang.

DRAGON SOUND confronts creepy brother and his gang.

Well creepy brother and his gang try to take on DRAGON SOUND and in spite of being outnumbered five hundred to one DRAGON SOUND has no problem kicking their asses. Well after several attempts the creepy brother is killed in one of the encounters. This pissed off the leader of the Miami ninjas and the ninjas embark on a trip to Orlando. They meet the gang as they take one of the member to meet his long lost father. After nearly killing him and ruining his spiffy new suit he just bought, the rest of DRAGON SOUND open a can of whop ass on the ninjas.

DRAGON SOUND training in the arts of Tae Kwon Do.

DRAGON SOUND training in the arts of Tae Kwon Do.

Oh my God do I love this movie. I have never see such overacting in my life. The lead a Grandmaster Y.K Kim who also produced and wrote this could not speak a word on intelligible English. Fortunately he left most of the dialogue to the others and concentrated on kicking ass. Of course this movie is bad but it such a wonderful bad. You can tell that everyone involved was trying hard and this movie has heart that other big budget fail to ever have. This was the best for Rifftrax because it was just made to be riffed on.

Our hero Grandmaster Y.K Kim mumbling unintelligible English while kicking ninja butt.

Our hero Grandmaster Y.K Kim mumbling unintelligible English while kicking ninja butt.

So here is the trailer.

And watch out for Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny coming this December.

SPURLOCK: SHERIFF OF PURGATORY BY JIM MORRIS

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The final anniversary reblog. I could pass up reblogging this gem.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

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Spurlock is one mellow dude. It could be from his daily routine of nude yoga. Or possibly his meditation and Zen outlook on life. More than likely its that he smokes more weed than Willie Nelson.

Well whatever the reason he seems to be an effective sheriff for Purgatory county Arkansas in this reality of 1996. In this timeline the US has lost a war in the Middle East in 1988 and are now under Soviet occupation. The details of the how are vague but its largely ineffective just troublesome. Except for guerillas operating outside town the residents of Purgatory would hardly notice any change from before the war.

Spurlock’s quiet life is interrupted by the arrival of Senagliero. Senagliaro is the mafia boss from New York who has come to throw his weight around. He is a psychotic who likes to kill people but his shrink says its ok…

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EAGLEHEART 3 BLOOD AND BONE BY C.T. WESTCOTT

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Anniversary reblog. The final book in the series.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

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The final book in the fictional autobiography of Colonel William T. Bucko Federal Air Command.

The book opens with Bucko making a clandestine crossing from Detroit into Canada. The northern RIHM horde has come south and set its sights on Detroit. Once the river freezes over they can cross and overwhelm one of America’s major industrial centers for the war. Only Melodie Lane knows where the RIHMs will cross in force but she was shot down and is a prisoner of the RIHMs.

Bucko is the only one who knows Melodie so the government cuts a deal with him. A pardon, reinstatement into FAC as a Lt. Colonel and a sizable monetary reward. Bucko hooks up with the Maple Leaf Underground whose members are mostly strippers from the local club. Together with Chandelier,a the French-Canadian stripper and a teenage delinquent named Doone, he succeeds in rescuing Melodie and foiling the…

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EAGLEHEART 2 BROADSIDES AND BRASS BY C.T. WESTCOTT

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Anniversary reblog.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

The second book in the fictional autobiography of Colonel William T. Bucko Federal Air Command.

The book opens with Bucko assigned to Boca Grande in Florida. He has it pretty good. Sun, women and a little side money from salvage operations. Bucko gets word that his friend and mentor Black Pugh has been wrongly accused and sentenced to death. He then goes AWOL to bust him out.

At the prison he finds out that none other than his old nemesis from the academy Kyle Befeeter is the provost marshal. Bucko is able to capture Beefeater but fails to save Pugh. Although he does get to drop the loathsome Befeeter into the Atlantic ocean from his Harrier.

Now on the run as a fugitive he manages to make a deal with the government. A pardon if he can successfully infiltrate the notorious Shrimpers. A pirate gang that is terrorizing the Gulf…

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EAGLEHEART 1 SILVER WINGS AND LEATHER JACKETS BY C.T. WESTCOTT

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Anniversary reblog. An old favorite series.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

The first book in the trilogy of the fictional autobiography of Colonel William T. Bucko Federal Air Command.

Bucko is a young seventeen year old living at the Twenty-nine Palms airbase in southern California. In this world a mad Russian sub commander launched an attack on the west coast. The resulting radiation gave birth to the RIHMs(Radioactive Induced Human Mutations). Bucko’s father dies when his plane is shot down over Pasadena.

The orphaned Bucko sets off with his girlfriend Melodie Lane to find out his inheritance. He meets up with Black Pugh an old buddy of his father. Pugh has his fathers old TAV-8B Harrier. Bucko will get it if he graduates from the FAC academy in Quantico. On the way back to base Bucko and Melodie are ambushed by the Comancheros an outlaw gang. Bucko gets captured and the evil Donny Smiles(aka the Hook) tortures him and takes his…

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FIRST CITIZEN BY THOMAS T. THOMAS

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Anniversary reblog.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

This is the fiction autobiography of James Granville Corbin with alternating chapters told by his sidekick Billy Birdsong.

In this alternate timeline the US decides to do something about the national debt. They repudiate it. Constitutional amendments in the 1990’s repudiate the debt and forbid the federal government from borrowing or raising taxes. A terrorist nuke going off in Washington decapitate the government and allows congress under a powerful speaker of the house to seize power.

Corbin is an attorney from a wealthy family that makes a fortune in the recycling business. When the US decides to annex Mexico after its government collapses, Corbin forms his own division in the Gentlemen Volunteers; the privately formed army the US uses to seize Mexico. His division distinguishes itself and Corbin is elected to congress.

He eventually rises to one of the triumvirate that takes power after the old speaker retires. A dispute…

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