BIZARRE ADVENTURES #34

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So I figured I would reblog this post from my comic book blog since some might not be aware of my other blog. This is Christmas themed issue so enjoy.

Comic book cave of awesome

“Son of Santa!”
Writer: Mark Gruenwald
Artist: Alan Kupperberg

A young homeless man in New York is approached by a midget with an offer. He claims to be a talent scout for a Japanese action movie and gives the man a plane ticket to Japan and a thousand dollar bill. So on the plane the little man hijacks it and forces the man to parachute out over the north pole. They come on the ruins of a building with dead reindeer and elfs. Santa is also encased in a block of ice. Seems the boy is Santa’s son who was abandoned with a family to raise. Only the family was not very good. So the man now has to battle the anti-Claus. He eventually traps him in the magic bag. So the son with Donner and Blitzen the only surviving reindeer assumes the mantle of Santa Claus. Only he decides…

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CHRISTMAS SLAUGHTER BY MARK GRANT

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I figured that I would reblog this from last Christmas since it is the only Christmas theme book I have. Nothing says Christmas like genocidal mutants dressed as Santa.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

Copyright 1991.

The Christmas holiday is approaching and the mutants are getting ready to celebrate. Seems they have adopted the holiday are their own and celebrate with presents and carols such as “We Wish You A Mutie Christmas.” Things are looking bad for humans. Emperor Charlemagne has a plan for the final solution. Dr. Narfod Moonguley a graduate of MIT(Mutant Institute of Technology) and Time’s Mutant of the Year is heading a diabolical plan. Forming Planned Genocide Inc. humans deemed surplus are being shipped to the P.G. Pyramid in New San Francisco. There they are ground up and the needed DNA is extracted and stored for future use.

So the human rebels hear and send their best which is Max Turkel and his companions Jack Bender and Phil Potts. They go into New San Francisco to find the local resistance The Cleavers. Named after the sixties radical Eldridge Cleaver the…

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RIFFTRAX LIVE SUMMER SHORTS BEACH PARTY

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So another Rifftrax Live and this one was a series of shorts. In addition to Mike, Kevin and Bill the old gang from MST3K was also there.

The first done by Mike, Kevin and Bill was one of those old safety films from the seventies. Ricky the Raccoon a guy in a raccoon suit who magically appears as their parents are buying a new house. Nobody seems concerned in the least that a creepy guy in a raccoon suit appears out of thin air. Of course the real estate agent won’t make a big deal about it since he’s interested in making a sale. Anyway the raccoon proceeds to teach the real dumb kid basic safety tips that his parents were apparently too busy to teach themselves. The dumb kid annoys Ricky to no end by insisting he’s a bear. You have to love those wacky anthropomorphic animals that appear the teach the stupid basic things. Here is a funny take from two rednecks.

So we move on to Office Etiquette which was done in the fifties. A woman gets a lowly clerical job all on the recommendation of some old bat that teaches typing. She tows the line and makes it to personal manager. Wow it is depressing to work in an office back then just as much as it is now. Some things don’t really change. It had some good riffs here and there. A little too much social justice commentary.

Then we get the 300th shorts riff the guys have done. This one is Rhythmic Ball Skills. Basically they make young kids do goofy things with a rubber ball. Supposed to be exercise but looks goofy as hell.

Then Mary Jo and Bridget do the Griper. Basically some complainer who does nothing but grip and ruins everything for everyone. Some reason the message seems that those that grip will just ruin it for everyone.

Move on to Sentinels of Safety. A short that shows all the bad things that can happen to you in the 1940’s if your not careful. So we watch people step on nails, fall down the stairs, slip on the floor and blow themselves up by washing their clothes in gasoline. Amazing our grandparents survived.

A Touch of Magic was some General Motors promotional to sell their new 1961 line. A husband and wife host their invisible friends who have the new cars. Very strange.

Finally it brings us to The Baggs. Santa Claus spends his summers driving around L.A. in an old pickup picking up junk. He steals some old burlap bags that come to life and chases them all over. Definitely they saved the weirdest for last.

Well it was a fun night. The jokes were funny and the shorts were really offbeat. So next up in August The Five Doctors.

RIFFTRAX LIVE: MIAMI CONNECTION

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The third entry in this years the Crappening. This time we get treated to a forgotten gem from 1987. The movie starts out with introducing the motorcycle riding ninjas. A typical drug deal is going down and the ninjas decide to help themselves to both the cocaine and money. The drug dealers armed with Mac-10’s are no match against the ninja’s speed and stealth. When full automatic weapons fire fails they resort to attacking the ninjas with metal pipes with the same results.

Drug dealers die a gruesome death for opposing the ninjas.

Drug dealers die a gruesome death for opposing the ninjas.

But as the cobra has the mongoose the ninja has a new wave/Tae Kwon Do enthusiasts rock band. In this case it is DRAGON SOUND the hottest band in Orlando. These young men and one Pat Benatar wannabe when not rockin’ to such hits as “Friends” or “Against the Ninja” go to the University of Central Florida or practice their Tae Kwon Do. And these guys do everything together. They live in the same house, go to class together, the beach, the gym and pretty much anywhere together.

DRAGON SOUND in one of their rare moments wearing shirts.

DRAGON SOUND in one of their rare moments wearing shirts.

Well the group has a problem with the brother of their lead singer. It seems he is jealous of his sister dating one of the guys on the band. Nothing creepy about that. Said brother also heads a non-ninja gang that is pissed at DRAGON SOUND for I think that they are also a band and angry that they can’t get hired at the night club. I say think because this movie feels that the plot is none of the audiences business. So I am kind of on my own in trying to figure it all out.

DRAGON SOUND confronts creepy brother and his gang.

DRAGON SOUND confronts creepy brother and his gang.

Well creepy brother and his gang try to take on DRAGON SOUND and in spite of being outnumbered five hundred to one DRAGON SOUND has no problem kicking their asses. Well after several attempts the creepy brother is killed in one of the encounters. This pissed off the leader of the Miami ninjas and the ninjas embark on a trip to Orlando. They meet the gang as they take one of the member to meet his long lost father. After nearly killing him and ruining his spiffy new suit he just bought, the rest of DRAGON SOUND open a can of whop ass on the ninjas.

DRAGON SOUND training in the arts of Tae Kwon Do.

DRAGON SOUND training in the arts of Tae Kwon Do.

Oh my God do I love this movie. I have never see such overacting in my life. The lead a Grandmaster Y.K Kim who also produced and wrote this could not speak a word on intelligible English. Fortunately he left most of the dialogue to the others and concentrated on kicking ass. Of course this movie is bad but it such a wonderful bad. You can tell that everyone involved was trying hard and this movie has heart that other big budget fail to ever have. This was the best for Rifftrax because it was just made to be riffed on.

Our hero Grandmaster Y.K Kim mumbling unintelligible English while kicking ninja butt.

Our hero Grandmaster Y.K Kim mumbling unintelligible English while kicking ninja butt.

So here is the trailer.

And watch out for Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny coming this December.

SPURLOCK: SHERIFF OF PURGATORY BY JIM MORRIS

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The final anniversary reblog. I could pass up reblogging this gem.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

Spurlock is one mellow dude. It could be from his daily routine of nude yoga. Or possibly his meditation and Zen outlook on life. More than likely its that he smokes more weed than Willie Nelson.

Well whatever the reason he seems to be an effective sheriff for Purgatory county Arkansas in this reality of 1996. In this timeline the US has lost a war in the Middle East in 1988 and are now under Soviet occupation. The details of the how are vague but its largely ineffective just troublesome. Except for guerillas operating outside town the residents of Purgatory would hardly notice any change from before the war.

Spurlock’s quiet life is interrupted by the arrival of Senagliero. Senagliaro is the mafia boss from New York who has come to throw his weight around. He is a psychotic who likes to kill people but his shrink says its ok…

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EAGLEHEART 3 BLOOD AND BONE BY C.T. WESTCOTT

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Anniversary reblog. The final book in the series.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

The final book in the fictional autobiography of Colonel William T. Bucko Federal Air Command.

The book opens with Bucko making a clandestine crossing from Detroit into Canada. The northern RIHM horde has come south and set its sights on Detroit. Once the river freezes over they can cross and overwhelm one of America’s major industrial centers for the war. Only Melodie Lane knows where the RIHMs will cross in force but she was shot down and is a prisoner of the RIHMs.

Bucko is the only one who knows Melodie so the government cuts a deal with him. A pardon, reinstatement into FAC as a Lt. Colonel and a sizable monetary reward. Bucko hooks up with the Maple Leaf Underground whose members are mostly strippers from the local club. Together with Chandelier,a the French-Canadian stripper and a teenage delinquent named Doone, he succeeds in rescuing Melodie and foiling the…

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