WW III BY IAN SLATER

Copyright 1990.

In the near future the North Koreans invade the south. They have advanced weapons and manage to infiltrate guerrillas into the south to destroy vital aircraft. They manage to lure the American M-1 tanks into an ambush in a rice paddy and destroy them. Soon they capture Seoul, and it looks like they will overrun the country. The American president doesn’t want to commit to the fight so South Korean intelligence agents stage an attack on Communist volunteers gathered in East Berlin. The Soviet forces gain stunning victories and NATO forces are trapped in a pocket in West Germany.

The only hope is an army colonel with a daring plan. Colonel later promoted to general Douglas Freeman a sort of Patton clone who I will refer to as Discount Patton launches an airborne attack on Pyongyang. It disrupts the North Koreans and saves the country. Now America is in a total war with the Soviets and the outcome is in doubt.

This book came out just after the fall of the Berlin Wall and basically the whole Warsaw Pact alliance. It even has the wall all abandoned in the book. Yet the author envisioned that Communist would still survive and thrive in the future. The Soviets are back under hardline rule and more competent than ever. In fact, everybody on the American side except Discount Patton is completely clueless. I mean I can see that there are incompetent officers in every army but for the North Korean general to be so certain that the American commander would drive his tanks into a rice paddy to get stuck is a bit unrealistic.

The story is mainly told through the eyes of the Brentwood family. A family with a naval tradition. One son commands a cruiser that gets hit by the North Koreans and he is badly burned. The other son a commander of a Seawolf submarine and the third joins the Marines. The daughter in a bad marriage to an industrialist becomes a Navy nurse. Ian Slater a former Australian Naval intelligence officer seems to not be very knowledgeable about stuff. In spite of later proclamations on his books that they are superior to Tom Clancy he seems more of a poor man’s Tom Clancy.

Still, I enjoy the books if you don’t take them too seriously. When they came out, I was already a bit nostalgic for the evil Soviets since that was what I loved in the eighties. The Commies are deliciously over the top evil. I found it an interesting way he started the war. If you want something not really believable but fun give this series a try.

CONAN THE FLAME KNIFE BY ROBERT E. HOWARD AND L. SPRAGUE DE CAMP

Copyright 1955.

Conan is the head of the Kozaki. Currently they serve as mercenaries for the king of Iranistan. Conan has a falling out with the king and one night an assassin tries to kill him. Conan decides to leave with his Kozaki and head into the Ilbar mountains. There a tribal chief friend will give him shelter. He hears of strange activity in a place considered haunted and decides to check it out. He finds a lost city inhabited by cultists from all over the world. He tries to join the Sons of Yezm but their leader turns out to be Olgerd Vladislov a man he stole the leadership of the Zuagirs from. Conan escapes and fights a man-eating ape. Leads a revolt of his former Zuagirs and ends up fighting the Iranistanis and demons that live under the city.

This was originally a story written by Howard as an El Borak story. El Borak was a contemporary adventurer in the Middle East/South Asia that Howard created. De Camp decided to turn it into a Conan story. I remember reading it from the old Savage Sword comics and loving it. It does feel like a Howard story and has some nice illustrations by Estaban Moroto. Someday I would like the read the original Howard story. The character sounds fun.

RIFFTRAX LIVE: RAD

It is that time of year for another Rifftrax Live. This time the movie Rad. First, they start off with two adventures. Adventures of Gumby and Pokey. The first The Witty Witch deals with our heroes being kidnapped to watch a comedy show by a witch. The second The Hidden Valley deals with them finding a lost valley of dinosaurs.

The movie starts in some small town and a talented bike rider. He and his friends deliver papers and he has a game with the local motorcycle cop. One day an evil promoter comes to town to stage the Helltrack. An extreme BMX racecourse. The evil guy at the town meeting agrees to let locals try out and will give winner ten thousand dollars. Naturally Cru the hero enters and wins.

Practicing for Helltrack.

Cru also meets a female bike racer and they become romantically involved. Of course, the evil promoter has evil racers and doesn’t want any competition. So, he keeps changing the rules. First a contestant must have a sponsor. Cru forms his own company called Rad Racing and sells t-shirts. Then the evil promoter then changes the rules again to have the sponsor at least make $50,000 in sales.

Showing off at prom.

Luckily the town rallies and buys $50,000 worth of t-shirts. They get help from Ray Walston who hates the promoter. So, Cru gets his chance. He blows off his S.A.T.s for the chance which pisses off his mom. Yet he preservers and wins the $100,000.

Evil bikers.

This was an eighties movie directed by Hal Needham. Needham is the stuntman friend of Burt Reynolds who is responsible for Reynold’s best and worst movies. This movie is one I never heard of until done for the show. I can see why a movie about BMX racing never caught on.

Hero giving his sister a ride.

Still, this was a fun movie. A very eighties movie with its soundtrack, day glo colors and big hair. It had the big names of Talia Shire of Godfather and Rocky fame. Ray Walston and Lori Laughlin of jail fame. Here she was too young to have any kids to try and bribe into an ivy league college. The guys had some real zingers when the heroes S.A.T.s came up. This is the only movie they will do this year. I suppose one is better than none. I had a fun time last night. I hope they continue next year.

Ray giving the finger to the evil promoters.

THE TAKERS SUMMON THE DEMON BY JERRY AHERN SHARON AHERN

Copyright 2001.

On a small island off the coast of South Carolina there is a conflict starting. On one side is Momma Cinda a practitioner of good voodoo. The other is Fidelito a Cuban agent who is also a Satan worshipper and practices the dark voodoo. Fidelito has created an army of zombies and kidnaps Momma Cinda to find her secret to Blackbeard’s treasure. Cinda manages to send out telepathically help to her good friend Mary Mulrooney. Mary became friends with the voodoo priestess while researching voodoo for her next book. Mary goes to the island and drags her boyfriend Josh Culhane into it also. Culhane is the author of the popular adventure series The Takers. Together they get into a plot that involves a racist sheriff and equally racist antiquities dealer. It cumulates with Fidelito calling on the demon Asmodeus to help him hijack a nuclear submarine through magic to set off a massive nuclear explosion in Charleston during a massive hurricane. The resulting explosion will spread fallout all over the world.

The Aherns decided to do a third book in their Takers series a decade later. Unfortunately, I can’t really say that I liked this book. The first two were really fun little adventures with ancient aliens, Nazis, lost Amazon civilizations, Soviets and nuclear terrorists. This book’s plot with zombies and voodoo really underwhelmed me. It meandered with too much exposition and general inaction. I found it a bit goofy overall. A demon easily manages to take control of a nuclear submarine. Our hero has no problem convincing the navy that it is voodoo, and they help him fight it with voodoo. I found the book a real slog to get through. It is a shame since I love the concept of two authors having real life adventures around the world. This did not live up to my expectations. A sad ending for a fun series.

THE TAKERS RIVER OF GOLD BY JERRY AND S.A. AHERN

Copyright 1985.

Mary Mulrooney is investigating stories that a lost tribe of Amazons escaped from Greece and settled in the Amazon. She goes to Istanbul to get some archeological proof and gets involved in a KGB plot. The Soviets are interested because they believe this civilization has the secret of eternal young. Josh Culhane gets involved with a friend of his dead brother. The guy a rich man had his wife kidnapped at the wedding and the terrorists are demanding a million in gold.

Both writers converge on the Amazon. Mulrooney to investigate a captured Amazon while Culhane to deliver the ransom. They are captured by real Amazons. They then find out that the gold is actually plutonium and must stop the terrorists from nuking a conference.

The second book in the Takers series is another fun read. It is filled with exotic locations and plenty of action. It has Spetsnaz commandos, a lost Amazon tribe, cannibals, and nuclear terrorists. A colorful cast of villains and friends to support them on this crazy adventure. I enjoyed the first two books in this series. A fun escapist time.