VIETNAM: GROUND ZERO SPIKE BY ERIC HELM

Copyright 1990.

The rail yard at Son Tay is a major transit point for arms and ammunition coming from China. It’s close proximity to the Chinese border makes a B-52 strike not politically viable. So Captain Gerber and Sgt. Fetterman are tasked to go in and destroy it. With two other Green Berets they form a Spike team and parachute into the north. There they hook up with two Kit Carson Scouts of questionable loyalty. Luckily the fuel tanks are situated on a hill overlooking the rail yard so they can unleash fuel into the site destroying it completely.

So another mission into the north. This time they seem to have a fairly easy time taking out their target. In fact they do a good job of destroying the place. Not much going on in this story otherwise. The backstory of the two men that join them is fairly interesting. One is a veteran on clandestine operations in South and Central America who lost his wife and daughters to a drunk driver. The other has a cheating wife at home who married him for the possibility of getting the guys life insurance. In a twist she is the one who dies in a car accident and he gets the life insurance money.

There are also some interesting Vietnamese. The two Kit Carson scouts that Gerber doesn’t trust get captured and tortured by a KGB agent. One manages to escape and ends up sacrificing himself so the team can escape. Another is Bicycle Chain Tran a NVA officer candidate. He got his name because he hit drunk American soldiers with a bicycle chain. Otherwise not much happens in the book. They wander around. They shoot a tiger for no reason. I think the idea well was starting to run dry for this series. Not an uninteresting book just nothing really stood out about this story.

VIETNAM: GROUND ZERO WARLORD BY ERIC HELM

Copyright 1990.

Captain Gerber and Sgt. Fetterman are assigned an A-team (not that A-team) for their new assignment. They are part of Operation Hard Rain. The mission is to go into Laos and recruit the native Hmong. They will find a suitable location for a new Air Force observation post. This post will guide airstrikes on the Ho Chi Minh trail and into North Vietnam. Sgt. Fetterman has experience with the local tribe. He was actually adopted by the chief.

Now Fetterman has some reservations about the mission. Last time they abandoned the Hmong and he feels that they are being set up again. He does reconnect with them and is made the war chief of the tribe. Known as the White Porcupine he leads the Hmong on successful missions against the Pathet Lao and NVA. The success bring unwanted attention and the village is attacked by a regiment of Pathet Lao and NVA. It looks grim for Fetterman’s adopted people.

So this book is about the secret war in Laos. It is dedicated to the 300,000 who fought for the Americans and 30,000 who died. The author who wrote this seemed to have good knowledge about the Hmong. This is a sad story because the Hmong do get nearly wiped out as they did in real life. That is why we have so many Hmong here in Wisconsin. A real interesting and action packed story. Explored a new side to the conflict.

VIETNAM: GROUND ZERO TARGET BY ERIC HELM

Copyright 1990.

The peace talks in Paris are stalled. The North Vietnamese will not come to the table unless the bombing is halted. This is something the Americans won’t do until the North Vietnamese agree to negotiate. So there is a stalemate with neither side willing to give in. So a young diplomat comes up with an idea. They need to demonstrate that the North Vietnamese political elite are not safe. The answer is to kidnap General Giap from Hanoi. Well naturally Captain Gerber and Sgt. Fetterman are at the top of the list to carry out this mission. So they assemble a team and plan to go into the heart of the enemies capital and kidnap a prominent official. Unfortunately the mission has more leaks than a hundred year old plumbing and the North Vietnamese are waiting for them.

This was a good action packed book. There is a lot of politics about the peace negotiation which I found interesting. The diplomats were trying to figure out how to notify the North Vietnamese that something was going to happen without letting out the details. Of course they failed and the commando team was ambushed. Luckily they managed to escape and along the way rescue a downed American pilot from captivity. This impresses the North Vietnamese enough for them to come to the peace talks. So it worked out in the end.

RIFFTRAX LIVE: SAMURAI COP

Well its that time of year folks. A new Rifftrax Live to start off the Easter holiday. So it started off with a short from the fifties on manners. Some uncouth bully has to stay through recess cleaning off the chalkboard. He instead draws a stick man which then comes to live. Chalky is there to lecture him on manners. Well the brat doesn’t like that and immediately tries to erase Chalky but Chalky manages to get high enough to avoid the eraser. So he then lectures him on his rudeness. The psychotic little brat is brainwashed into being a well mannered productive citizen. Chalky then volunteers for erasure. Strange how they thought that correcting deviant behavior was through anthropomorphic characters coming to life and setting them straight. A great start to the evening.

Our hero and his sidekick.

So the movie starts right off the bat by introducing Sam Marshall aka the Samurai Cop. L.A. apparently had to import him from San Diego because they don’t have a samurai cop and needed one to fight the local Yakuza gang. So right away Joe and his trusty sidekick go after a van that was up to no good and manage to shoot everyone except the driver who is horribly burned in the crash.

Samurai cop does a lot more shooting then what you would think a samurai would do.

Well the local Japanese boss doesn’t like that one of the members didn’t have the decency to die so orders his main henchman Mr. Yamashita to bring his head for his piano. Yamashita the very un-Japanese Robert Z’Dar then goes to the hospital and takes the head.

Robert Z’dar. A man with more face then a human could ever need.

So after much various sexual innuendo at the hospital with the attractive doctor they go off to meet the Yakuza boss.

Not so subtle flirting.

So they threaten him which gets him upset and he sends out Yamashita to take care of them in the parking lot. Now a whole action sequence takes place after an interaction with a flamboyant gay waiter from Costa Rica. The thugs attack and our heroes manager to kick ass. It helps that Yamashita is better at killing his own men than the cops.

The guys at it.

He does manage to chop off someones arm. Not really sure if that’s proper police procedure.

So then we go to the romance of this as he goes after the beautiful Episcopalian restaurant owner. He spends a lot of time in a thong that didn’t need to be filmed.

Way too much time in a thong.

So anyway the movie goes on and there is a climactic fight with Yamashita. The Japanese gang is defeated and he gets the girl.

The big showdown.

Now this had to be the most funniest movie that the guys have ever done. It was absolutely perfect. It had the right mixture of cheezy story. Bad acting. Bad writing. Poorly staged fight scenes. And one goofy cast of characters.

The partner who sole function was to give his goofy expressions.

So here are the trailers.

And coming up.

The secret show is The Five Doctors.

And we will end with the gay waiter.

VIETNAM: GROUND ZERO WARRIOR BY ERIC HELM

Copyright 1990.

Captain Gerber and Sgt. Fetterman are assigned to a small special forces base along the Cambodian border. They have been monitoring the Ho Chi Mihn trail and notice very little activity. That is because the north has already infiltrated the men needed for a new offensive. Now they must find the troop concentrations so a B-52 strike can be called in. Their mission is complicated by the arrival of a new lieutenant. Lt. Connel is fresh out of ROTC and has romantic notions about combat. He has also developed a real hatred for the Vietnamese. Both north and south. After he abandons some strikers and later shoots down stunned NVA troops after a B-52 strike his men desert him. Now Gerber has to rescue him with hundreds of angry NVA after the B-52 strike.

This book was an OK one. I think the most interesting thing for his book was seeing the procedure that new arrivals in Vietnam had to go through. The story also attempts to debate what is a war crime. Lt. Connel’s actions were in somewhat of a grey area. He clearly shot down a whole bunch of soldiers who were not a threat. But was it any different from dropping bombs from high up. Well Connel is transferred to a new base farther up north. He seems to regret what he did. So this book was OK but nothing really special.

VIETNAM: GROUND ZERO GUNFIGHTER BY ERIC HELM

Copyright 1990.

Reports are coming in about a NVA officer who is staging gunfights with POWs. Nicknamed Billy the Zip he is a Vietnamese who spend some time in America and became a fan of westerns. He has taken this love to a whole new level. Dressing up with a stetson and single-action Colt he performs an old fashioned gunfight for this men to enjoy. Then the body is dumped outside an American base with a number on a piece of paper to represent the number killed. Captain Gerber and Sgt. Fetterman are assigned to put a stop to this Vietnamese gunfighter.

You have to admire the writers trying to come up with new ideas for this series. This is definitely one off the wall story. Having an NVA officer dress up as a cowboy and stage gunfights is a unique idea that hasn’t been done before. Now Billy wins because be cheats. He has his sergeant hidden with a rifle to make sure that he isn’t outdrawn. He also draws early and has a woman name Miss Kitty have sex with the victim so he doesn’t get any rest. Yep this is one odd story but kind of interesting. Done by a writer whose style I don’t recognize from previous book. Of course the guy is an abject coward who when faced with a honest fight with Sgt. Fetterman begs and pleads for his life. True to form he draws early but still not quick enough. I have to give this one points for being unique and interesting.

VIETNAM: GROUND ZERO EMPIRE BY ERIC HELM

Copyright 1990.

Captain Mack Gerber is at dinner with his girlfriend and Sgt. Fetterman when they overhear a drunk reporter. He goes on how they will never win the war. Gerber decides the show the loudmouth how wrong he is. He will start to implement his plan in the border province of Binh Long. He sets up a camp with strikers and special forces. Then hits the VC. He keeps hitting them until he drives them out of the province. Then crosses the border into Cambodia and wipes their base out. He can then start real civil projects to improve the civilians lives and win them over. In effect he is building his own little empire. Then his old arch nemesis General Billy Joe Crinshaw comes back newly promoted and out to personally pay back Gerber.

The fourth Super book in the series. Once again the expanded format is put to good use. The story was engaging and moved along. I found it an interesting read to see Gerber’s take on how to win the war. It sounded sound and probably would have worked. This book also saw the return of Crinshaw. A sort of demented Foghorn Leghorn that is interested more in paying back Gerber than winning the war. In the end all the gains are given back. Gerber is forced to admit that the reporter was right. As long as they have the leadership they have the war is unwinnable.