RIFFTRAX LIVE: CARNIVAL OF SOULS

Well its time for another Rifftrax Live. This time they chose the horror film Carnival of Souls. A film that’s only true horror is having to actually sit through this slow pile of crap. Luckily the guys are there to crack riffs and make it hilarious.

So we start off with a short titled The Dirt Witch Cleans Up. So what is a dirt witch? Its a dirty witch that likes to cause accidents that get other people dirty. Well while up to her antics in making a group of boys playing football fall into the mud, she is confronted by a little girl. The girl convinces her to come back to her house where she gives her a soapy bath. So what kind of parents allow their kid to bring home strangers to bath? What the hell is the purpose of this? Well here’s the full short. If you know the purpose I’d be interesting in hearing what it is.

So this brings us to the second short. Masks of Grass. A great in the series of educational shorts from the ’70s about all the fun things kids can make with grass. Yes the seventies were a boring time to grow up. No internet or video games. All we could do is make stuff out of grass.

This brings us to the movie. A drag race in the country results in a car going off the bridge. One girl survives this tragedy. She later moves to Utah to take a job as an organ player for a local church. Didn’t know that you can get such a cushy job. Never heard about it on career day in high school.

While there she moves into a boarding house with a creepy stalker who lives next to her. She always acts weird because she has vision of a Grandpa Munster type guy who is always appearing. This is Herk Harvey the director who also gave himself a starring role in this snoozefest.

Well to make a long story short she goes nuts and ends up at an abandoned pavilion by the lake. It is here she confronts all the lost souls who take her back to the afterlife.

I can probably think of movies that were more stupid, boring and lacking any artistic merit but I’m sure this would be in the top ten. The jokes made were good and made the movie bearable. A good choice for Halloween.

RIFTS TREACHEROUS AWAKENINGS BY ADAM CHILSON

Copyright 2000

The third in the trilogy finds the Coalition squad under Sorenson back into the wilds to hunt down Zenjori Suka and his Army of the New Order. It takes them to the village of Liberty, Maryland. Sorensen has to fight Suka and his powerful well equipped mercenary army. He also has to worry about a Splurgoth slave raider from Atlantis. The biggest enemy comes from within. Captain Prichett is tasked by Colonel Lyboc to make sure that Sorenson and his men do not survive.

The third book was fun to read. There was plenty of action with magic and cyborgs. Some humor with a crazy Cyber-knight and a kooky shape-shifting dragon that liked to adopt the image of Mel Gibson. It also finally revealed the reason behind Zenjori Suka. He was hired to attack villages along the border with Tolkeen to make the Coalition military presence welcome. He also was to expose a fifth column movement whose goal was to overthrow the emperor and restore democracy to the Coalition. Zenjori had the names and proof that the Coalition was using chemicals in the food and water to mind control citizens. Which is why the Coalition wanted him hunted down.

I liked the Rifts world that was created for the role-playing game. RPG games usually have very intricate and exciting worlds they create and I like the novels based on them. Its too bad that more books weren’t written for this series. There’s a whole world with Vampire Kingdoms in Mexico, Corporate superstate in Germany, a new continent of Atlantis run by magical creatures. Well the company is still in business and put out a anthology book. Perhaps they will write some more in the future.

RIFTS DECEPTION’S WEB BY ADAM CHILSON

Copyright 1999.

The Coalition squad under Lt. Mike Sorenson has launched a final attack on the Army of the New Order. Just when they were about to win an order comes over the airwaves to retreat. The victorious Coalition soldier are shocked at the order that allows the ANO to retreat. Sorensen claims he never gave this order. After fighting off a Federation of Magic attack the squad makes it back to Chi-town. Here Sorenson is arrested and put on trial for the order. Now his fellow squad must investigate the shadowy conspiracy behind framing their leader.

The second in the Rifts trilogy was a much better book than the first. A well written story with action plus fair amount of intrigue. We get to explore the fortress city of Chi-town and its surrounding suburbs. An introduction to the Coalition culture with its xenophobic aversion to magic. The reorientation that many in the squad have to go through shows the paranoia that the Coalition views against all magic users and non-humans. We also find out that top Coalition officers set up the Army of the New Order with a Glitter Boy robot to show how dangerous they were and the need for a new robot. In effect they were justifying the purchase of this new robot and making tons of money in the process. The ANO has damning evidence which looks like what they used to escape the Coalition. It sets up the final confrontation that will be in the concluding book of the trilogy.

RIFTS SONIC BOON BY ADAM CHILSON

Copyright 1999.

A hundred years in the future a nuclear war will break out. The who or why is lost to history but it kills billions. The death of billions release an energy that goes into the dormant lay lines that encircle the planet. The energy causes massive natural disasters killing more and feeding more energy to the lay lines. Rifts open that let extra-dimensional beings known as D-bees into our world. Now three hundred years later the planet is an alien world. Many D-bees and humans now practice magic. There are also technologically advanced civilizations.

One of these is the Coalition. Its capital the enclosed mega-city of Chi-town. The Coalition is ruled by Emperor Prosek and xenophobic about magic and D-bees. A new threat the Army of the New Order has attacked their borders with a Glitter Boy the most powerful battle suit in existence. A search and destroy mission is launched to hunt down the ANO and its leader Zenjori Suka. The Coalition unit heads into the wilds of Ohio in pursuit. Battling magical cults and other powerful creatures. The trail leads to Youngstown where the ANO has used magic and deceit to take over the town.

This is the first in a series of books based on the role-playing game Rifts. Reading it you get the feeling that there is a rpg going on. The battle scenes deal with how many hits the character takes and how much is absorbed by the magical or body armor shielding. The book also is notorious for being the worst editing job ever. The editor made a real mess with misspelling and unfinished sentences.

Still the book is an interesting read. Its mostly an action based story with a lot of battles. Magical beings and advanced body armor that can fly. Throw in a shape-shifting dragon, a techno-mage who joins magic with technology and mind control wizards you have one wild story.

ENDWORLD #29 THE LORDS OF KISMET BY DAVID ROBBINS

Copyright 2016.

Blade has decided to confront the Lords of Kismet head on after their failed attempt to destroy the Home. But how to get to Asia when they are thousands of miles away and have no plane. The answer is salvaging a time machine from an old enemies lair. Thanatos had used it to send Alpha Triad back in time in an untold story. Now they plan to use it to get to Asia. Going back one hour in time and to the destination of Bangkok. Blade, Hickok and Yama are chosen for the mission.

Things go wrong right from the start. The three warriors are scattered apart. They find that Bangkok is under the rule of Dhurga. The lords are ancient beings that were the Hindu gods of old. Using demigods and other fantastical creatures they rule the humans with an iron fist. The people are totally cowed and now meekly serve the Lords including being used as food. Blade and the other warriors find that they may have bitten off more than they can chew.

A new Endworld book. Just after reading a new Survivalist book. Makes me feel like its 1986. Robbins still hasn’t lost his touch. Indeed the series is going as strong as ever. The characters are still the same that I loved thirty years ago. He has crafted a new threat for the warriors. It ends with Blade planning to use the time machine to go back in time to fight the Lords of Kismet. The story about Thanatos was never told so I wonder if that will be written about in a future book. Can’t wait for the next book.