RIFFTRAX LIVE: THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION

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So its the final Rifftrax Live for the year. They start off with a short Adventures in Telezonia. A weird short from 1950 that was put out by the telephone company. It had some creepy marionette named Handy that slides around the telephone lines and listens in on people’s conversations. He decides to help some kid who lost his dog and enlists his other creepy marionettes to use the telephones. Not that easy back in 1950 as they must navigate rotary phones, operators, party lines and mumbling marionettes. I did find one with a humorous commentary that you can watch here.

So the movie starts in Northern Wisconsin and a revival meeting. An old creepy guy with a back brace is leaving his lush wife to supposedly go to the revival. In reality he is going to see his hot girlfriend Helga in town. Meanwhile a meteor is heading to Earth and crashes on the farm in a blinding flash of light.

Philandering guy off to see his girlfriend.


This guy has a wife and girlfriend that are way too hot to be believable.


So anyway the next morning they find all their cattle mutilated. Fortunately the old guy comes up with a plan to just butcher the carcasses and sell the meat to Dutch’s cafe. Yes good old fashioned Northern Wisconsin dining.
But they also find some strange rocks. Inside are what appear to be diamonds and the old creep goes to town to consult his inbred cousin who happens to be a mineralogist. Apparently the standards for this field are extremely low.

At this time a scientist guy comes from NASA and teams up with a lady astronomer. They eventually come to the conclusion that a black hole was formed by the meteor and opened up a door to an alternate dimension. Of course this dimension is full of giant spiders. The strange rocks are the source of the spiders hatching tarantulas that eventually grow huge.

The giant spider goes around grabbing people and shoving them up his ass. Well soon a mob is formed but proves incompetent in stopping the spider. Luckily the scientists manage to shoot the spider with a flare gun that melts it and closes off the portal. How well SCIENCE!!! I don’t know what science but obviously some was used.

Alan Hale as the sheriff with is shirt always unbuttoned to show off his sexy chest.


Now this was just an enjoyable treat. You could not get a better movie to riff on. The farmer guy that was in a back brace and not only had a hot wife but a hot girlfriend on the side. If that wasn’t enough he hits on his underage sister-in-law who spends the movie with the least amount of clothing on. Then their is his wife who spends the whole movie drinking. There is like a bottle in every room and for breakfast she dumps a bottle of vodka into the blender with some juice.

Back Brace perv hitting on his underage sister-in-law.


Then there is the giant spider which was a VW covered with fur and had the legs attached. It was driven backwards so the taillights could be used for its red eyes.

Filmed in the small town of Merrill Wisconsin. I actually have family up there and have been to the town to attend some weddings. I can say you aren’t missing much.

And the trailer for the original movie.

Well that is it this year for Rifftrax Live but I do have my tickets for the live Mystery Science Theater 3000 Thirtieth Anniversary show. This November 2 I will be at the Miller High Life Theater for a showing of the classic Jean Claude Van Damme movie No Retreat, No Surrender. So see you then.

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