Emperor Charlemagne is up to no good. He has recruited a turncoat human Edward Wilkins. Wilkin’s grandfather was a nuclear scientist and hid some nuclear weapons at a secret location in Arizona. Now Charlemagne is close to possessing nuclear weapons which he plans to use in conquering the world. Braingeneral Hartan is appalled at the thought of nuclear weapons that could start a new arms race and mutants being mutants would most likely destroy the world. So he notifies his reluctant ally Max Turkel.
Turkel is hanging out in the deserts of Southern California with his buddies Jack Bender, Phil Potts and Jill Morningstar. The human resistance has already found out Charlemagne’s plan. Now they have to battle the Braingeneral Fixx who is in charge of security. He has a new mutant weapon the Rotants, a hybrid of humans and rats. He also has advanced cyborgs. It all ends in a spectacular nuclear exploding final.
Well this book has a lot going on. First Jack Bender loses his girlfriend Jill in a raid. He is despondent although coming to the realization that she was batshit cuckoo. Unfortunately he is such a stud he isn’t allowed to get some time of morning without some girl crawling into his bed. A girlfriend of Phil’s develops the hots for him and he wakes up and finds her in bed with him. He also sleeps in the nude and wonders if maybe he should stop doing it. He does manage to convince her to sleep with Phil so he can finally get some rest. Apparently he has been having sex almost constantly since he was fifteen and likes the time off. This guy has had a hard life.
Max finds himself a girl in Captain Marty Abrahams of the 47th Guerrilla Division of the General Resistance Movement. Here is a quote that describes her leadership style.
When she caught her men looking at her, the usual dialogue went something like this.
“Soldier, you looking at my boobs or my butt?”
“You wanna fuck me, mister?”
“If I catch you looking at me like that again, soldier, I want you ready to get down and dirty. But I gotta warn you, asshole. You don’t get it up, you don’t keep it up, you come too soon… or in any way, shape or form you ain’t man enough to satisfy me.. I’m gonna cut your balls, eat’em for breakfast, and do a review of the meal for Stars and Stripes!”
Then she’d start unbuckling her belt and the man would invariably not only back off, but never even think of her in a lewd way again.
Which was okay with Captain Marty Abrahams.
She’d rather kill mutants than fuck any day.
Sounds like a real high maintenance girl to me. Still her and Turkel hit is off.
“Oh Jeez. Oh, you bastard.”
“MMMMMMph!” said Turkel.
“Okay, okay. Fuck me!”
“Oh..Jesus…Okay. GOD! Fuck me Turkel..Please!”
Turkel stood up and dropped his pants. Old Faithful was saluting the officer before it, eager to storm the gates. He spread her legs and she groaned with gratification as he slid his swollen self into her hot and glistening center. Soon enough Turkel didn’t care who might be watching. All he knew was that if someone was, he should charge for this incredible performance.
Well some other interesting tidbits. The renegade scientist is assigned an Igor. A mutant designed to be a lab assistant. They are called Igor because of a second brain stored in a hump on the back. Dr. Wilkin’s abuse of his Igor named Trevor results in Trevor turning on him at the end. And also forgot but last book we learn that the country they are in is called The United States of Canada. The rebels are also well equipped. They have tanks and hinted they have B-52s.
So there is one final book in the series. Appropriately enough it came out in December and was a Christmas themed book. So it is only appropriate that I will have the review on Christmas day. Its festive title and cover demand a posting on that day.