MUTANTS AMOK #3 REBEL ATTACK BY MARK GRANT

Standard

Copyright 1991.

Max Turkel has escaped his captivity and has news that Jack Bender’s girl Jennifer is still alive. She has been taken to Hollywood to appear in a mutant snuff film. So the next thing for the group is to head on to L.A. They first hijack an armored RV and after killing a few Mutant Highway Patrolmen are off to Hollywood. Along the way Max finds out he can’t drink alcohol anymore. This is because Braingeneral Hartan has replaced his liver with a mechanical one. It also can pop out of his abdomen and talk. Seems Hartan wants to make sure that Turkel honors his agreement. He supports going to L.A. and wants the group to assassinate one Martin Luther ‘Hairy’ Kahn. Kahn is the big shot producer in Hollywood. He is described as a villain, a thief, a murderer, a child molester, a pervert and worst of all a thundering bore. Sounds like Hollywood hasn’t changed after the mutant apocalypse.

Meanwhile Jennifer is cast in Kahn’s next big production Blade Babes from Babylon. Directed by Foxtrot Bennington-Spleen. Jennifer’s only friend is Algernon Waugh an English mutant who is the casting director. She falls in love with the mutant. Unfortunately she doesn’t know that she is to be killed so her DNA can be combined with Marilyn Monroe so the that industry can crank out an endless supply of beautiful blond actresses to use.

So Max, Jack Bender, Phil Potts and Jill Morningstar arrive in L.A. They find it a polluted city with twenty-four hour gridlock and overrun by gangs that have the DNA of Chicano and Black gangs from the Twentieth Century. Once again sounds like nothing has changed after the mutant apocalypse. They go to Max’s halfsie contact who is a clone of Elvis Presley. An Elvis fanatic created a whole bunch and later was hunted down by his creations and stabbed with a sharpened guitar neck. They fight their way to the studio and in a spectacular showdown defeat Kahn. Jennifer decides she loves Algernon Waugh and will accompany him to New York where he got a job as an editor for a book publisher.

Just when you think it couldn’t get more outrageous or crazy the author outdoes himself. So where to begin. The talking liver that Max has. The wild party thrown by Kahn. He literally makes a writer eat shit. Spread it on a cracker like pate and eat it. I guess writers still get no respect in Hollywood. The goofy film they are producing. In a move that Corman would love they don’t need special effects. They have the extra mutants literally kill each other for the fight scenes. The ending has a tribute to Mel Brook’s The Producers. Apparently mutants love Mel Brooks. Here is the scene from it.

EVA: You look so dashing today, mein Fuhrer!
HITLER: It is the light of love in my heart, fair Valyrie!
EVA: My heaving loins yearn for the pounding of your mighty member and your single but quite manly testicle.
HITLER: Ja, but first we must conquer Poland.
EVA: Liebchen! But of course. But allow me first to kiss your brave and valiant sword of the Fatherland.
HITLER: Of course. Just don’t slobber too much.

Well this sounds like a quality production. So we have Max who by his own words only knows the three Fs- Freedom, Fighting and Fucking. I can say that the guy does have trouble with any abstract concept that doesn’t involve the three Fs. Then there is Jack Bender who is balancing his current jealous girlfriend while going to save his former girlfriend he though was dead. Now Jill Morningstar is just batshit cuckoo. I guess guys will overlook that when the woman is beautiful and great in bed but batshit cuckoo. Come to think of it his old girlfriend leaves him for a mutant so she was a bit batshit cuckoo too. So far every woman seems to be batshit cuckoo. Crazy world after the mutant apocalypse.

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