RIFFTRAX LIVE: THE ROOM

Standard

The first offering in this years the crappening starts out with this strong entry. The Room is an odd movie that was produced, directed, written and starring Tommy Wisneau. A man of indeterminate ethnic origin with a slurred speech, greasy long hair and perpetually baggy clothes. Kind of reminds me of Dr. Nick, the quack doctor from The Simpsons.

The guys warm up the audience with a short from the series ‘At Your Fingertips’. For those of you that don’t know this was an educational series from the ’70s on basically how to make garbage into works of art. Now back in the seventies we didn’t have any video games or internet but we never had to resort to playing with garbage. Indeed my parents would have strongly discouraged me from such behavior. The makers of this series had a different view. Here’s a sample of the one of their past shorts.

Then we start with the movie. Its basically about Johnny who is a successful banker in San Francisco. He lives with his girlfriend of seven years Lisa. Now Lisa is sort of a cute woman. Kind of reminds me of Britney Spear who maybe ate one too many pork chops. They seem happy and have some young neighbor named Denny who just barges in whenever he feels like it to watch them. Well right off the bat is a totally unappealing sex scene between the two that goes so far to show a full view of Johnny’s butt. Don’t get enough of this scene well don’t worry. Ten minutes we get another. And another and another.

Well early on Lisa decides she doesn’t love Johnny anymore and instead loves Mark, Johnny’s best friend. She proceeds to seduce him. Now Mark doesn’t want to get involved with Lisa because he is Johnny’s best friend but she is persistent and he just gives in. It is followed by many more unerotic love scenes between the two.

Then basically the whole movie revolves around the relationship problems with Lisa and Johnny. Everyone doesn’t get why Lisa hates Johnny but she does. She gets him drunk and spreads the story that Johnny hits her.

The whole movie is just endless scenes of that various characters talking about their feelings. A subplot of Denny getting in trouble over money he owes to a drug dealer. (I didn’t know drug dealers gave credit.)It’s quickly resolved as Mark and Johnny subdue the dealer and Lisa and her mother berate the hapless Denny.

Well finally at Johnny’s birthday party it all comes to a head. Lisa decides to tell Johnny she’s pregnant when she really isn’t. Why she did this? Probably because she’s cookoo. Now Mark thinks its his and gets in a fight with Johnny were they make up and start fighting five times before the others have to drag them apart from slapping each other like little girls.

Johnny despondent tears up the room and decides to kill himself. Everyone is really upset and wish they didn’t cheat on Johnny.

The show was shown on the 100th birthday of Orson Welles and this movie is supposedly the Citizen Kane of bad movies. Now I’ve seen some bad movies and its probably not the worst. I would put it in the top ten. This is an excellent choice to riff on. The bad dialogue. The incomprehensible storyline. The actors must have went to the William Shatner school of over emoting. You can catch the encore presentation next week at a theater near you.

Also watch for Sharknado 2 in July.

Advertisements

EAGLEHEART 3 BLOOD AND BONE BY C.T. WESTCOTT

Standard

Anniversary reblog. The final book in the series.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

The final book in the fictional autobiography of Colonel William T. Bucko Federal Air Command.

The book opens with Bucko making a clandestine crossing from Detroit into Canada. The northern RIHM horde has come south and set its sights on Detroit. Once the river freezes over they can cross and overwhelm one of America’s major industrial centers for the war. Only Melodie Lane knows where the RIHMs will cross in force but she was shot down and is a prisoner of the RIHMs.

Bucko is the only one who knows Melodie so the government cuts a deal with him. A pardon, reinstatement into FAC as a Lt. Colonel and a sizable monetary reward. Bucko hooks up with the Maple Leaf Underground whose members are mostly strippers from the local club. Together with Chandelier,a the French-Canadian stripper and a teenage delinquent named Doone, he succeeds in rescuing Melodie and foiling the…

View original post 210 more words

EAGLEHEART 2 BROADSIDES AND BRASS BY C.T. WESTCOTT

Standard

Anniversary reblog.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

The second book in the fictional autobiography of Colonel William T. Bucko Federal Air Command.

The book opens with Bucko assigned to Boca Grande in Florida. He has it pretty good. Sun, women and a little side money from salvage operations. Bucko gets word that his friend and mentor Black Pugh has been wrongly accused and sentenced to death. He then goes AWOL to bust him out.

At the prison he finds out that none other than his old nemesis from the academy Kyle Befeeter is the provost marshal. Bucko is able to capture Beefeater but fails to save Pugh. Although he does get to drop the loathsome Befeeter into the Atlantic ocean from his Harrier.

Now on the run as a fugitive he manages to make a deal with the government. A pardon if he can successfully infiltrate the notorious Shrimpers. A pirate gang that is terrorizing the Gulf…

View original post 159 more words

EAGLEHEART 1 SILVER WINGS AND LEATHER JACKETS BY C.T. WESTCOTT

Standard

Anniversary reblog. An old favorite series.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

The first book in the trilogy of the fictional autobiography of Colonel William T. Bucko Federal Air Command.

Bucko is a young seventeen year old living at the Twenty-nine Palms airbase in southern California. In this world a mad Russian sub commander launched an attack on the west coast. The resulting radiation gave birth to the RIHMs(Radioactive Induced Human Mutations). Bucko’s father dies when his plane is shot down over Pasadena.

The orphaned Bucko sets off with his girlfriend Melodie Lane to find out his inheritance. He meets up with Black Pugh an old buddy of his father. Pugh has his fathers old TAV-8B Harrier. Bucko will get it if he graduates from the FAC academy in Quantico. On the way back to base Bucko and Melodie are ambushed by the Comancheros an outlaw gang. Bucko gets captured and the evil Donny Smiles(aka the Hook) tortures him and takes his…

View original post 256 more words

FIRST CITIZEN BY THOMAS T. THOMAS

Standard

Anniversary reblog.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

This is the fiction autobiography of James Granville Corbin with alternating chapters told by his sidekick Billy Birdsong.

In this alternate timeline the US decides to do something about the national debt. They repudiate it. Constitutional amendments in the 1990’s repudiate the debt and forbid the federal government from borrowing or raising taxes. A terrorist nuke going off in Washington decapitate the government and allows congress under a powerful speaker of the house to seize power.

Corbin is an attorney from a wealthy family that makes a fortune in the recycling business. When the US decides to annex Mexico after its government collapses, Corbin forms his own division in the Gentlemen Volunteers; the privately formed army the US uses to seize Mexico. His division distinguishes itself and Corbin is elected to congress.

He eventually rises to one of the triumvirate that takes power after the old speaker retires. A dispute…

View original post 157 more words

WHITE FOR DANGER BY DAVID STEVENS

Standard

Anniversary reblog.

THE BOOKS THAT TIME FORGOT.

tarzan

Logan Adams is a successful adventure novelist. He has come to visit his sister in his native New Zealand when she asks him for a favor. Her husband was involved in an expedition to Antarctica where he was the only survivor. He claims to have seen a city. Everybody thinks he abandoned his teammates and is making up this story.

The husband has convinced an eccentric Englishman named Warden Grampton to finance and expedition. Grampton has a theory that Antarctica was inhabited in the past and hopes to prove it. Logan’s sister wants Logan to accompany the expedition to watch after her husband. Logan has arctic training from his days in the Canadian army and proves to be a beneficial addition to the expedition.

Logan is reluctant but agrees. Soon after he is attacked by thugs on a walk and has his car breaks severed. Grampton’s assistant dies in a…

View original post 108 more words

ENDWORLD #16 MIAMI RUN BY DAVID ROBBINS

Standard

tarzan

Copyright 1989.

In the warriors last run to Las Vegas they learned of a threat to their Home. The Dragons the faction that rules south Florida has plans to destroy the Family. Now Blade has no idea what the hell the Dragons beef is with them but takes any threat to the Home seriously. So he enlists one of the Hurricanes to drop him and two other warriors Hickok and Rikki-Tikki-Tavi west of Miami.

Soon after landing they rescue two young teenagers from a giant alligator. They find out that Miami is run by the Dragons. After the war Miami fell under control of the drug gangs. The Dragons are a family of mutants that managed to take over a gang and eventually become the undisputed rulers of south Florida. Miami is now a cesspool of drug dealers and prostitution. The Narcs are the Dragon’s enforcers and maintain the now legalized drug trade.

Blade eventually tracks down the Dragons. They have plans of expanding their drug trade into the Federation and the Family is just in the way. Its just good business nothing personal. Unfortunately for the Dragons Blade does take it personally and shows the Dragons the business ends of his Bowies.

Another fun little adventure in the Endworld saga. Thanks to the Hurricanes the warriors can now easily travel to some far away places. Miami is another fascinating corner of the country. Drug use was a hot topic back in the late ’80s early ’90s with Miami the main point of entry. So it is not surprising that we would get a story of mutant drug dealers in the area.