RIFFTRAX LIVE: THE ROOM

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The first offering in this years the crappening starts out with this strong entry. The Room is an odd movie that was produced, directed, written and starring Tommy Wisneau. A man of indeterminate ethnic origin with a slurred speech, greasy long hair and perpetually baggy clothes. Kind of reminds me of Dr. Nick, the quack doctor from The Simpsons.

The guys warm up the audience with a short from the series ‘At Your Fingertips’. For those of you that don’t know this was an educational series from the ’70s on basically how to make garbage into works of art. Now back in the seventies we didn’t have any video games or internet but we never had to resort to playing with garbage. Indeed my parents would have strongly discouraged me from such behavior. The makers of this series had a different view. Here’s a sample of the one of their past shorts.

Then we start with the movie. Its basically about Johnny who is a successful banker in San Francisco. He lives with his girlfriend of seven years Lisa. Now Lisa is sort of a cute woman. Kind of reminds me of Britney Spear who maybe ate one too many pork chops. They seem happy and have some young neighbor named Denny who just barges in whenever he feels like it to watch them. Well right off the bat is a totally unappealing sex scene between the two that goes so far to show a full view of Johnny’s butt. Don’t get enough of this scene well don’t worry. Ten minutes we get another. And another and another.

Well early on Lisa decides she doesn’t love Johnny anymore and instead loves Mark, Johnny’s best friend. She proceeds to seduce him. Now Mark doesn’t want to get involved with Lisa because he is Johnny’s best friend but she is persistent and he just gives in. It is followed by many more unerotic love scenes between the two.

Then basically the whole movie revolves around the relationship problems with Lisa and Johnny. Everyone doesn’t get why Lisa hates Johnny but she does. She gets him drunk and spreads the story that Johnny hits her.

The whole movie is just endless scenes of that various characters talking about their feelings. A subplot of Denny getting in trouble over money he owes to a drug dealer. (I didn’t know drug dealers gave credit.)It’s quickly resolved as Mark and Johnny subdue the dealer and Lisa and her mother berate the hapless Denny.

Well finally at Johnny’s birthday party it all comes to a head. Lisa decides to tell Johnny she’s pregnant when she really isn’t. Why she did this? Probably because she’s cookoo. Now Mark thinks its his and gets in a fight with Johnny were they make up and start fighting five times before the others have to drag them apart from slapping each other like little girls.

Johnny despondent tears up the room and decides to kill himself. Everyone is really upset and wish they didn’t cheat on Johnny.

The show was shown on the 100th birthday of Orson Welles and this movie is supposedly the Citizen Kane of bad movies. Now I’ve seen some bad movies and its probably not the worst. I would put it in the top ten. This is an excellent choice to riff on. The bad dialogue. The incomprehensible storyline. The actors must have went to the William Shatner school of over emoting. You can catch the encore presentation next week at a theater near you.

Also watch for Sharknado 2 in July.

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